what the hell was i thinking

Ohhh...what hell was i thinking....you see 1.i hate writing 2. my spelling is horrid 3. i have enough to do 4. why not?

sooo that's one loop in the mass highway system of my brain. i think i started this as a way to say the things i have such issues trying to say out loud. maybe....maybe not.....i have no idea currently....spur of the moment choice....whoot...

I'm involved in a relationship that is complicated in the very least to my own eyes. see its a couple, they are married and have a beautiful family. she calls me their speical friend, i don't know what he defines it as. i asked once what he told people, as he had just asked me, he said a couple guys at work knew that he has a wife and this girl that he beats on who likes it and they fuck. i should explain the "beats on" bit humm, see they as a couple do domestic discipline, so there is that too. add to that a Dominate/submissive aspect to the dynamic as a whole. does your brain hurt yet.. :) they asked if i was ashamed of what is going on, and I'm not but makes me wonder if they are, they say no but sometimes i still wonder. she asks a lot of the time "whats going on in your head or what are you thinking" some times i really dont know and i think that frustrates her, as she whats to talk about it, other times there is this block in my throut and the words just cant escape, i hate when it happens when he is asking questions during discipline or a leacture, cause then i get the eyebrows of doom...secretly at times i find them sexy as hell...lets hope he don't find that out.now oddly enough if you would have told me a year ago I'd be involved like this, i would have laughed at you, hell even 6 months ago. but it seems right, well....most days, sometimes it fells like I'm intruding, for example i walked into a room and they where talking they both stop and look at me till i finish and leave the room, now not saying that's bad i don't want it to come across that way. just feeling in the pit of stomach of holy crap intruding *abort*abort*move as fast as possible away*beep*beep* however then there is the time that is just awesome to be at their house, cause I've spent most if not all of my free time there. hahaha i teased my room mates girl friend that she is always at our house, paying rent on a shower and changing room....hummm i live in a glass house so it seems...note to self no throwing stones ;)

oyi yes I'm rambling, my grammar sucks, but i work on that later. but i have to run, cant be late for work or gets me a smack bottom...yup...yup...life gets intresting when we least expect it